This post deserves a slow clap.
For those of you angry that having a child prevented you from qualifying for the Sochi 2014 Olympics (or the wherever-they’re-holding-them-2016 Olympics), remember that while you may be losing at international sports competitions, you’re still in the running for a few other medals:
To level the playing field, this event is divided into multiple weightclasses:
Exhausted Older Child
Young Child + Stroller, and
Young Child + Uncomfortable-to-Carry and Bizarrely-Heavy Car Seat/Carrier
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A feat of less-obvious athleticism, some people train for YEARS to master this event. Gold medal goes to anyone who manages not to lie awake night after night second-guessing all their decisions or, if that proves too difficult, anyone who doesn’t break down crying for no particular reason on a Tuesday.
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Medals are awarded for multiple categories, including “fastest wiping,” “best use of snot-sucking…
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