From (Emotional) Hurdles to (Booger) Slalom: The Parenting Olympics

This post deserves a slow clap.

The Ugly Volvo

For those of you angry that having a child prevented you from qualifying for the Sochi 2014 Olympics (or the wherever-they’re-holding-them-2016 Olympics), remember that while you may be losing at international sports competitions, you’re still in the running for a few other medals:

Event 1:

olympics weightlifting

To level the playing field, this event is divided into multiple weightclasses:

Newborn

Infant

Toddler

Exhausted Older Child

Young Child + Stroller, and

Young Child + Uncomfortable-to-Carry and Bizarrely-Heavy Car Seat/Carrier

*               *             *

Event 2:

olympics emotional hurdles

A feat of less-obvious athleticism, some people train for YEARS to master this event.  Gold medal goes to anyone who manages not to lie awake night after night second-guessing all their decisions or, if that proves too difficult, anyone who doesn’t break down crying for no particular reason on a Tuesday.

*               *               *

Event 3:

olympics slalom

Medals are awarded for multiple categories, including “fastest wiping,” “best use of snot-sucking…

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